He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
