Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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