You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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