you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
