am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize