his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
