I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
