I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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