I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
