Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize