If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
