if you like me you must not know who I am
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
