I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
