im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize