He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
