I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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