oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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