dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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