We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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