I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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