she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
