I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
