You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His nipple licking is glorious
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