I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
