My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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