woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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