Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
