You really coming over, don't trick.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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