I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
