this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
