I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
