You made me cry and you don't even care
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
