brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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