Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
