There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
