giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
