Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
