I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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