So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
