She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
