She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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