Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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