If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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