peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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