I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
