you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize