Can Purell be used as lube?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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