i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
