i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
