Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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