3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
