My hand turned me down
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You are the jesus of drinking
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize