Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
