The maid of honor just puked.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
