i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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