I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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