Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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