someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
