Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
where am i from again
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize