I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
