I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm both gender and math confused
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
