i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
