I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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