i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
